I was at Costco yesterday (surprise), when I noticed something terrible. I was on the way to the hot dog counter to get my 59 cent drink (Lent is SO over, by the way), when I discovered that all of the fountain drinks were Pepsi!! Apparently Costco and Coke had their final break up. I know they had been arguing lately about pricing, and threatening to split, but I didn't think it would happen. I thought for sure that Coke would agree to Costco's demands. I guess not. Now I feel like a victim of their divorce. I'm sad. I sent a text message to Neal and one of my friends, expressing my dismay and asking "what the H am I to do?" Within about 2 seconds of each other, their one word, unsympathetic answers had me rolling. One said, "quit," and the other said "repent."
Yesterday I was calling around to mechanics trying to get price quotes on a procedure for my car. We have dumped Mike the Mechanic, by the way. He let us down and didn't tell the truth. He's lost a lot of business, because we have old, crappy cars that we like to fix all the time. His loss.
Anyway, whenever I need to call the mechanic, I get nervous. Right off the bat, I feel disadvantaged because I have girl parts. I like to feel like I'm in control and I hate to feel like I don't know what's going on. But guess what? I don't know what's going on, and have no control when my car breaks. So, I muster the courage, and make the call. First off, I called my trusty Firestone. We've been with them for 14 years. We're in a committed relationship. But when the man answered the phone, I realized that I couldn't remember what Neal had told me was wrong with the car. It was vague. He asks me what the problem is. Oh crap, I feel the disadvantaged dumb lady feeling start to swell in my heart. I'm going to sound like a real idiot. The conversation went something like this:
Man (let's call him Jim. That's a good Firestone name): What seems to be the problem, mam? (Already he's speaking kind of slow like he's got to help me understand all the man-talk we're about to have).
Me: Well, my husband told me to call (strike one. I'm looking stupid), and he said that the tire rods were broken.
Jim: What did you say?
Me: Tire rods
Jim: What?
*long pause*
Me: Tire rods?
Jim: Um. I don't think there is such a thing. There are things called tie rods. Maybe that's it? What is your car doing? (Now he's talking really slow and probably trying to sign with his hands)
Me: Oh yeah! They're TIE rods. Right. Sorry. Um, well, there's this rattling sound under my feet when I go over anything bumpish (I actually used the word "bumpish." I need to apologize to my sex for stepping right into our stereotype and sounding retarded in mechanical matters).
Jim: Bumpish? (snicker) Ok. Well mam, do you know (speaking super slow now) if it's the inside or the outside rods (why did he even ask that? Obviously I would have no idea)?
*pause*
Me: I don't know. Uhh, I'm an idiot.
I actually said that. At that point I gave up trying to save face and just played the clueless female. Now I actually need to take the car in today and show my face. And probably forget to leave my key, like I do EVERY TIME I go there. Then they call me on my cell phone and say they need my key. I wonder if I have some sort of asterisk on my account? "Speak slowly! Remind her to leave her key! Don't let her wild child play with the water cooler! Charge her for all sorts of stuff because she'll just say yes."
9 comments:
Try being the daughter of a mechanic. The phone at my parents would ring. I'd pick it up "hello"
and then i'd be asked all sorts of questions as if I were teh mechanic. Not to mention the fact that I was 13. I don't know much about cars, nor do I car too. That IS man stuff.
"nor do I car too", ha ha.
Natalie - you never fail to make me laugh. This post is hysterical. Gut-busting hysterical.
Good luck with Firestone (I've had pretty good luck with them over there.)
First of all, I can't believe Costco now has pepsi soda! Crazy! I'll check my costco here and see if they also switched. Stay tuned for that! :)
Second of all, SOOOOO FUNNY! Oh my gosh, I had a laughing tear come out of my eye when I read your phone conversation. "Uhh, I'm an idiot", brilliant! I probably would have done the same thing. Oh man, here's hoping they don't overcharge you! Best of luck!
Thank goodness that I have a Daddy that knows his cars because I also have no idea when it comes to cars and I also have girly parts so yeah we're pretty much screwed! You're so funny Natalie!
I think there is a reason why Pepsi is cheaper, nobody likes it. I dion't know how I will shop at Costco with my Coke in hand. I like to see just how many refills I can get and by the way (notice I typed it out) so glad you are back on the coke! It makes me feel better.
Mechanics scare the crap out of me. I make the boy deal with them and I just hide. I am a true female when it comes to cars. But I can change out any light fixture or faucet.
Hahahaha!! Natalie, I can always count on you for a good laugh!! I know exactly what your talking about though... been there a few times myself.
Dave would just let all the cars break if I didn't do it all. I like to think im kind of savvy about what stuff is but I dont know how to fix anything nor would I want to (too greasy)
Remember when you had a blow out on the way home from your family reunion and you got out and kicked the tire? Nellie and I were laughing at you and you were soo mad at the tire.
I could totally hear that whole conversation in my head as I was reading...probably because I've had it myself with more than a few mechanics. Be proud of your lady parts and creative vocabulary!
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