Proud Parenting

Sometimes I have parenting moments that are < proud (that's the "less than" sign, in case you forgot 3rd grade math. Or, in my kids school's, 8th or 9th grade math). Take last night, for instance. I couldn't help it. It just blurted out of my mouth. I am so glad that Kate didn't hear. If she had, it would have been repeated round the world. At least Sarah appreciated it and laughed her guts out.

We were kneeling down for family prayer. I bent over. My shirt was hanging down low. Sarah got a looksie, and said, "Woah Mom. Watch the cleavage. Are you going to Cleveland or something?" And I said what naturally comes next after a statement like that.

"I'd like 2 pickets to Tittsburgh, please!"

Sarah laughed and laughed and laughed. Neal looked at me like, "that's something you say to me, not the kids." And Kate missed it all, and just kept begging, "What? What? Will somebody please tell me what Mom said?!"

That's not all. Earlier in the day, the kids were watching the new "Electric Company." It's pretty funny, in case you're wondering. They were working on the 'SH' words. So I added a couple of letters that fit very well after 'SH.' Sometimes I just want to see if my kids are listening. Sometimes I just want to shock them. It worked. They thought it was funny. But really, is that good parenting? Am I too bored? Is it ADD? Do I need some more stuff to do? No. I don't. That's not it.

Holy Crap! I'm Sarah's Young Women President in December! She knows the truth.

In case you're wondering, "Tittsburgh" does not come up in spellcheck.

I'll Take Four, Please.

When I drop Kate and her friend off at school, there are office ladies (I still call them "Duty Ladies" or "Duties" for short) who stand at the drop-off point and help escort the chillin's. You know, so they don't get run over or something. Because we all know, most of the parents who drop their kids off in the morning are retarded and do it wrong. I've gone over this before. Anyway, the Duty Lady opened the van door, let the goils out, said "hi" to my darling little one, and then said to me, "does your van door close automatically?" I laughed out loud. Then I said, with pride I might add, "This van is old school. Of COURSE it doesn't close automatically!" We had a good chuckle. I was still chuckling as I drove away, with Abby all bundled up in the back because the heater is not working and Neal needed the car to go to Eugene today. It was a cold morning.

Then, when I got home, I saw this truck on my street. It was for sale. Only it said "FOUR SALE." As in quad. As in 2+2=. I'm serious. If you look closely, you can see it written in red on the curtains, I might add, of the shell. So, I grabbed my camera and tried to take a picture through my front window. It didn't come out very well, but it looks like the guy is looking at me! Kind of creeps me out, because he's a really grouchy, creepy guy that lives 4-2=2 doors down. Yikes! Four the love!!





This was family prayer this morning. Doesn't that look cozy? Isn't that what prayer and family is all about? It is when the kids aren't fighting and poking, anyway. Superman looks a bit tired. Probably because he is. I nursed a headache all day yesterday. By the time I got home from the youth temple trip at 9, my head felt like it was going to implode. So, Neal warmed up the heating thingy, got me the magnet pillow, gave me some medicine, and put me to bed. Then, Abby woke at 2 am crying. Neal got up, took care of her, changed her diaper, and put her back down. Then, when Kate had a bad dream at 4:45, he got up with her, carried her into our bed, and cuddled her back to sleep. What a guy. I'm not just saying that. It's four reals!!

Go Play With Your Vegetables

THAT is what "smile recognition technology" captures from the baby. Looks like she's picking Kate's bum. Maybe she has a melvin? Shame on me. Abby is still drinking out of a bottle. Meh. At least it's not filled with Coke.

Abby has a new friend. It's a potato. She carries it everywhere. It's common throughout the day to find various animals scattered through the house. An alligator in the closet, a horse on my bathroom floor, some dinosaurs under the kitchen table. But this darned potato. She treats it just like one of the animals. When she has an animal, she always brings it to me or Neal and wants us to kiss it. Then, she growls, because that's what animals do, right? She does the same with the potato. We have to kiss it, then she makes it growl.

That's what I get for keeping the potatoes where she can reach them. We get free potatoes every fall from our neighbors. They visit eastern Oregon and come home with a truck full. Maybe the potato is mutant from the Umatilla Weapons Incinerator? Possibly.

So this morning, I was pretty grouchy. It was a grouchy hang-over from yesterday. I was angry at the world. (Deep breath. Now release the anger. Release the frustration. Let it float away. This is what I tell myself). We were at the kitchen table eating some breakfast, when Kate started talking about her guitar again. I told her I would get one too and we would learn together. "How about we play some Bob Marley, Kate?" I said.

Kate: "Yeah, and some Rascal Flats and Miley Cyrus"

Mom: "Oh, and that Barbie song from "Barbie and the Diamond Castle." You know, that one called "Connected." (I am so ashamed that I know that song).

Kate: major eye roll

Neal: "Ooo, Ooo! And John Denver. You need to play John Denver."

Then he started singing "Rocky Mountain High" and mixing it up with James Taylor's "Fire and Rain." They work well together. I corrected him, and before long we were singing John Denver at 7 am.

I'm not grouchy anymore.

Knowledge is Power

I am aware that babies can get into all sorts of trouble. That's why I decided to put plug covers in all the outlets. That's what smart mom's do. But, what about smart babies? Abigail didn't pay any mind to the dangerous outlets until I covered them up with attractive plastic covers. She woke up from her nap, and in about 23 seconds, she noticed the plug covers. All of them. She then walked through the entire house and pulled them all out with her little monkey hands.

Dumb and Dumber

Lest anyone think we are bookworm smartie-pants around here, let me salt and peppah you with a real-live conversation sample from 2 days ago. . .

In Kate's ongoing obsession with playing the guitar, she said to Sarah, "Did you know that you could play the ka-tar loud OR soft?"

Sarah: Yeah Kate, I do. When it's soft, it's called "piano" or "pianissimo."

Kate (Feeling a little burst-of-bubble): Oh yeah! It's really called "piano-polly-wanna-abba-I'ma-gonna-doo-doo-in-your-face!"

Not even 10 minutes later, I overheard Sarah and Kate talking about spaghetti, and Sarah was trying to correct Kate as to pronunciation. I hear Kate say, "SARAH! It's B for basketti. Sheesh!"

And THEN. . . at the dinner table later that night - Neal was telling me how to do something. I was a little impatient (surprise), and I said, "You're talking to me like I'm dumb or something." That got the kid's attention.

Neal: Actually kids, your mother is WAY smarter than me.

Sarah and Kate both: Uh, no she's not.

Neal: Seriously, she's pretty smart!

Kate: Dad, you are like 2 years older than Mom. That means you are way smarter.

Sarah: Yeah, AND you're a lawyer. Mom isn't. She doesn't have a job.

Actually, I'm pretty dumb lately. I keep backing into things. Last Wednesday, I backed my car into my counselors husband's car. Luckily his car is almost as old as mine and has been rolled, but still drivable. No damage to report, but I still crashed. Then, last night as I came home from YW, I backed the van into the post on the car-port. Yes, we have a car-port. A fully functional, ghetto-style car-port. I scratched the van, but it's a "scratch-within-a-scratch" kind of damage, so it doesn't count. The car-port seems ok. But Neal said it shook the house.

What's His Name Again?

For Family Night on Monday, Kate wanted to give the lesson/activity. Here is the conversation, and the resulting "art work."

Kate: Mom, for family night, I want to do the lesson and activity.

Mom: Ok. What are you going to teach us?

Kate: About that one guy who was on a boat and there were lots of guys who were scared to go with him, but they went with him. You know?

Mom: No. I don't know. What are you talking about? Pirates?

Kate: (frustrated voice) Mom. Ok. It's that one guy, and today is the holiday for him.

Mom: (Thinking really hard and then remembering that the mail didn't come today) Oh yeah! Christopher Columbus! You're going to teach us about the guy who discovered America!

Sarah: Actually Mom, there is evidence that says that Christopher Columbus didn't first discover America. And, the first place he landed were the islands of San Salvador.

Mom: Ok show-off. Let's just let Kate tell us what she learned.

Kate: I want us to draw pictures of the horizon. Do you know what a horizon is? It's where the land meets the sky.

Here is our resulting art-work.
Dad. Nice boats. You forgot to finish.
Mom. With a little scribble-help from a lap child. I think my "Santa Maria" looks like a tea-pot.
Sarah. I love the "Man Overboard!" addition. Very nice. Kate didn't get the memo that Columbus sailed in 1492, not 1465. Those blasted sixes, nines, twos and fives. I guess that explains why there are no ships. In 1465, Ferdinand and Isabella were still spending all their money getting the Moors out of Spain. No time for an expedition! Besides, the world was flat.

Kate "Take Two." NOW it's 1492. Ok Columbus, you can sail now!

The other day, I had Neal a little worried. We were going through the drive-thru at McDonalds to get us all ice-cream cones. I recognized the drive thru gal and commented, "Hey, she usually doesn't work nights. She's always here in the mornings." Neal said, "You KNOW the workers and their shifts?! How much time/money do you actually spend here?!" If you only knew. . . .

13 Bricken Bracken Years

Using the car as a tri-pod. Neal looks like he's ready to stand his ground against some bad guys.

I like his "Browning Rifles" hat. It reminds me of a side of Neal that I really like.

My hand looks older than it first did when I got this here ring. Neal gave me my ring as he was coming out of shoulder surgery. He was still out of it, and he kept telling me to lift up the covers. I was scared. But, I finally did, and he was holding a little ring box. He doesn't remember a thing.

I married this guy on October 11, 1996. 13 years ago. We were kids. I wasn't even 21 yet, and Neal was just a 23 year old community college student taking pre-algebra. Scary. But, somehow we've managed to plow forward and make some magic. I loved him tons back then, but now? Who would have thought that it just keeps getting better and better?

We had a great anniversary. It was nice ditching the kids and having an entire Saturday together. Unfortunately, we spent the first couple of hours at Mike the Mechanic's getting some bad news about our "good" car. Oh well. We weren't about to let a car get in the way of a great day. So, we rented a car and spent the day shopping and eating and driving to Mt. Hood. Neal bought me my plates. I have a funny story about our little plate situation. Maybe I'll tell it sometime. But, because of that "plate situation," my new service for 12 is very meaningful. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

For Neal, I framed a collection of stamps of his I stumbled upon the other day. I was putting away his german scriptures when a little envelope fell out. They were some neat stamps from his mission. He loved his gift.

Oh, and I should be getting a fixed car sometime this week as another anniversary gift. Neal had planned on buying me a Cannon Rebel somethin'-somethin' camera. He had researched and shopped and planned the whole shopping experience. But, because of that car, I settled for a pocket-sized camera. That's ok, because it has this incredible feature called "smile recognition." I FINALLY have some pictures of a smiling baby.

Greetings From Middle Earth

Sometimes when your children are growing, their legs become hollow and they want to fill them with food. It's shocking sometimes. Last night, I made a comment about how we didn't need to eat two dinners.

Sarah: Yeah, only Hobbit's eat two dinners. And we're not Hobbits. But there's a kid in the 7th grade who is so short, he looks like a Hobbit.

Dad: Well Sarah, there is no such thing as Hobbits or Orcs or Middle Earth, for that matter.

Sarah: Yeah, there's no such place as Middle Earth. Because if there was, I'd BE there RIGHT NOW! I would love to show Samwise Gamgee your Blackberry, Dad. He would think it was so cool!

Dad: My phone wouldn't work, because you wouldn't have any service in Middle. . . Earth. . . oh my gosh. I cannot believe I just said that. . . . I am Dwight.

Mom: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You guys are the biggest bunch of nerds EVER!!

Dad: You married me.

Sometimes my kids make me really mad. Sometimes they make me really sad. But sometimes, they make me laugh really hard! Sarah cracks me up. She was so excited to tell me all about her new friend, Brian. He's in her social studies class and she just found out that he has a Sam Wessel lego star wars figure (whoever that is). "Mom! It is so rare! They only made it for like 3 weeks back in the 1900's when Starwars Episode One came out."

A Bottle of Coke

This morning as I drove home after dropping Kate off at school, I had the urge to go somewhere. I didn't want to go home to my house with it's scent of eggs, crumby floor, and scattered newspaper that Abby pulled out of the recycle bin. I wanted to go some place special. But, I went home. There's no place special for me to go today. Well, unless you ask Pollyanna. She'll tell you that HOME is a special place. So, here I am. It still smells like cooked eggs, and the floor is still crumby. But, the newspaper is picked up and my bed is made. AND, I worked out. So, I guess that's good. Oh, and I almost crashed into my neighbors bushes this morning too. Actually, I DID crash into them, just not enough to warrant a walk of shame up to their door to tell them what I ruined. I wasn't paying attention as I put the car in reverse. I was distracted by the Chili Peppers song on the radio. You know, the one that April sang for 2 weeks straight during our senior year?

"Take me to the place I looooooooove,
Take me all the way!
I don't ever wanna feeeeeeeeel
Like I did that day!"

Every time I hear that song, I think of April. I also think it was around the same time "Oldies 94.1" played "Louie Louie" for 72 hours straight. I think a lot of people went crazy those days back in 1994. . .

Speaking of working out --the P90 is doing pretty well. I could do a bit better in the "eating" department, but the workout seems to be doing what it said it would. I've been feeling comfortable with our "phase 1-2" stage, so at 5:45 this morning, I told Neal that we were moving to "phase 3-4." I no longer have to do girly push-ups. I can do them like a man now! Which is good, considering I'm half man anyway.

Ouch. It was hard. I think Neal almost passed out, and I felt like barfing.

Back to the "eating" department. Salem is the birthplace of Kettle Brand Chips. They're delicious. Neal's parents moved here from Utah about a year ago. Neal's Dad works at Kettle Chips. Thursday is "free chip day." Very bad, because Kettle chips are oh, so good. I've been eating lots and lots. More than anyone else in the family. In fact, I'm eating some right now. Sweet Onion flavor. Mmmmm.

And my other bad habit. . . yeah, the one with the silver can that says "diet coke" on the side. Abby thinks it's my bottle. Don't believe me? Have a look! If you listen really carefully, you can hear her sucking on the tab, just like it's her bottle. What kind of a role model am I? Honestly, I'm feeling a little trashy right about now.


At least it isn't diet pepsi.