The Magic Wish List Addendum

Middle-child still thinks that list is going to produce. She is so confident, in fact, that she pens her wishes in command form. "Git me a barbe." Hows about she just "Gits lost!" I am also glad that she informed me that "I am probobly goweyo to riyd biyes with dad." I was gone to YW last night, and the funny is that Neal didn't know what was going on with the list. Sarah was writing her requests, and Neal heard Kate say, "Sarah! If you write something on that list, you'll get it. I want a barbie. Where's the pen?"

Sarah's in on the action too. Yet, her requests/reminders are a bit more practical. Like a reminder that her lunch is in the fridge. And, I must buy apples, bananas and capri sun. She's not as tyrannical as her younger sister.

The Magic Wish List

I have a new magnetic list. It's quite handy, I must say. Kate thinks it's the best because it has magic powers (so she thinks). You see, she noticed that we needed macaroni and cheese, so she wrote it on the list, and the next day. . . .viola!! Mac and Cheese! So, she decided to try its powers again. This time, she's hoping for a "Cit Cat" and "Chic in san wich." I don't think the list is going to come through this time. I should play a trick on her and write something like, "daughter's who clean their room," or, "daughter's who brush their teeth."

Speaking of teeth brushing, here's one for you. The girls cleaned their bathroom on Saturday. Sunday night, I notice the sink was still "toothpaste-glob" free. So was the counter. I was about to compliment them, but then I realized WHY it was still clean. They hadn't brushed their teeth since Saturday morning. Parenting -- some of us are better at it than others.

Yesterday, Sarah was reading aloud a note from the school about the upcoming "maturation" videos. Poor gal. Anyway, she was reading about the "tastefully done Disney video presentations that present topics on sexual, emotional, and physical changes" in an announcer-type voice. I really laughed when Peton Word disease struck again, and she said "animitation" instead of "animation," and "sinceriously" instead of "sincerely."

I have four of my mutual girls who are graduating this year. So sad to see them go, yet so excited for them. They are a great group. Yesterday, they gave me the above picture. They're all my girls, except the one on the far right. I don't know her, but I'm sure she's a nice gal. Anyway, I'm going to miss having them around. Time flies. Really, it does.

Clipping Coupons

This morning I was cutting coupons out of the recent Safeway add. They have some great deals! Best Foods $1.99!! We all know Kate loves that deal. Anyway, Kate sees me with the scissors and says, condescendingly, I might add, "Why are you cutting on those lines? That's like a kid project."

"They're coupons Kate."

Funny gal.

So, there's been a lot in the news lately about waterboarding/CIA/Nancy Pelosi/drown-them-all-you-want-I-don't-care stuff. It's heavy business. Thorny business that has no right to be on my blog. So, I've read some of the procedures about waterboarding, brought to you by the Chinese during the Korean war. (I guess that's what the Chinese Water Torture game is). Anyway, sorry to bore you with all the schmetails, I'll get to my point.

I have been wondering why waterboarding is so bad (not meant to incite political commentary please). Until I started Abigail on her prednisone regimen. I feel like I'm waterboarding her. Seriously, it's torture! She acts like she's going to drown! It's very sad and very hard to do. What's the point in forcing the meds down her throat when she just barfs them back up? Along with what little food she's been eating for the past week. I gave up on this morning's dose. I'm waiting for the doctor's office to call back and tell me what to do, since I refuse to torture her any longer. Poor thing.

Speaking of waterboarding - US government style - my little bro shipped out to basic training yesterday. I wish I had a hidden camera to follow him through his version of torture. Especially the part when he's doing 1,392 sit-ups in the pouring rain and yells to Louis Gosset Jr, "I GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO! I GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!!" I'd love to see that.

Hey, full circle! Louis Gosset Jr called Richard Gere "Mayo."

What's Going On?

Kate's good friends, Evan and Valerie. I know, I'm just now getting around to posting these.

Kindergarten Mother's Day program. I loved it. Kate woke up so excited!

Oh, my baby girl has been sick. She came down with a fever Friday afternoon. I felt so bad, because I was gone all afternoon doing my 20 mile run. When I went to pick her up from the sitter, she was miserable. I felt so bad. She spent the weekend being sick. I called the nurse, and she said to wait out the weekend. Well, we did, and she was still sick. Monday and Tuesday, all she did was cry and want to be held. So yesterday I finally took her to the doctor. Poor baby had an ear infection and wheezy lungs. A little prednisone and anti-biotics should do the trick - if I can get her to swallow that nasty poison. It's like wrestling a greased pig. A cute, kissable, delicious greased pig. She spit it out so violently, that it got in my mouth and splattered my spectacles. That stuff is NASTY! Luckily she's feeling a little better this morning.



Sarah holding the sick one.



Do you think she likes her thumb?

When you have a baby on her 4th day of crying, you resort to any and all means to cope. I learned a few things - she likes it when I sing 4 Non Blondes. I sang that song many times yesterday. It calmed her down. You know, the one that goes like this:

And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed

Just to get it all out what's in my head

And I'm, I am feeling a little peculiar

So I wake in the morning and I step outside

And I take deep breath and I get real high

And I scream from the top of my lungs

What's goin' on

And I say hey....

And I say hey what's goin' on

And I say hey....I said hey what's goin' on

Oooh....Oooh....

Neal heard me singing that song, doing my best to sound just like the original, mind you. He then told me a funny story from his mission. Picture this: Duesseldorf, Germany 1994-1996. He's on 'splits' with his good friend from the MTC, Elder Whitney. They were knocking doors, trying to see if anyone was interested. Score! They got in! As they're standing there in the house, German Jeopardy is playing in the background. It was an Audio Daily Double. They played the song my Abby loves to hear her mom sing. Right in the middle of talking about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, Elder Whitney turns and yells at German Alex Trebek, "WHO IS 4 NON BLONDES!!!!" Love it.

I'm glad my girl has good taste in music.

"V"

Just the other day, I thought of something I haven't thought about in years. It was this TV mini-series from about 1983 called "V." We recorded it from TV and watched it over and over. Our favorite part was when the lady (she was really an alien wearing a lady mask) ate a rat. I can't tell you how many times as children we would sit at the dinner table and reenact that scene. What scene? This scene. . . .



Tasty! So, the very day I'm reliving this childhood memory, Ginger brings up the topic of "V" in a blog comment. Coincidence!

Back in the 80's and early 90's, you didn't just go out and buy videos. They were expensive and hard to come by. If you were one of the lucky few in the neighborhood with a top-loading VCR, the way to get movies was either to rent them from "Sounds Easy" (or Ream's), or record them from TV. OR, if you were really fancy and willing to break the law (which my dad and Marty H. were willing to do), you would rent a second VCR, hook them up, and record from a rented video. We had great shows that way. Like The Wizard of Oz, Cloak and Dagger, Back to the Future, The Karate Kid, The Incredible Shrinking Woman (actually, I think we just borrowed that one from Bezzants), D.A.R.Y.L. (Data Analyzing Robot Youth Lifeform), and V. Oh, and I can't forget Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. We did a pretty good job recording them, except when we forgot to 'un-pause' after commercials, and missed some of the movie. That was a tricky job. Impossible to get it right. Kind of like trying to record your favorite song from KCPX Power 99, and you get a talking d.j.

Full Moon

Many moons ago, we had some gypsy neighbors. They really were, I think. They moved into town with their 6 kids and immediately began to ingratiate themselves to everyone. Especially my Dad, the bishop, and Charlotte, the Relief Society President. They were called "The Serpente's."

Well, the word on the street was that they were waiting for a large inheritance. As well as a few law-suits to pay out. They seemed nice at first, but it wasn't long before whiffs of 'what the?' began to permeate the air. So began the drama. . .

I was young, and I'm sure my dad could tell this story a lot better than I. But I remember Marie, the mom, was suddenly 'paralyzed' from slipping on a candy bar wrapper in front of the Jr. High. Then, through a miracle, she could suddenly walk again. And I was present at Becky's house when the phone rang for her mom, the Relief Society President. It was Marie. She was hysterical because she had suddenly gone blind. By this point in the drama, I think I remember an eye-roll from sweet Charlotte.

But best of all - an angry Marie marched over the the Jr. High and confronted her son's algebra teacher. I remember my mom telling us all about it. Marie was mad, and as she left the class room, she lifted up the back of her dress and mooned the teacher (as well as the class). She was arrested.

Well, thanks to Google, and a boring few minutes I had yesterday, I decided to google the gypsy lady. Up came the case. It's so funny. Here it is. . .


02/09/89 STATE UTAH v. MARIE SERPENTE

COURT OF APPEALS OF UTAH

Docket Number available at www.versuslaw.com

Citation Number available at www.versuslaw.com

February 9, 1989STATE OF UTAH, PLAINTIFF AND RESPONDENT,v.MARIE SERPENTE, DEFENDANT AND APPELLANTFifth Circuit, Salt Lake County, The Honorable William A. ThorneCandice A. Johnson, Salt Lake City, for AppellantDavid E. Yocom, Rodwicke Ybarra, Salt Lake City, for RespondentBefore Judges Billings, Jackson, and Orme.The opinion of the court was delivered by: Billings

FACTS. - Serpente angrily walked into her son's algebra classroom full of students and protested the prior day's discipline of her son. In exiting, she lifted her skirt and mooned the teacher, her buttocks covered with underwear.

PROCEEDINGS. - Serpente was convicted of lewdness involving a child and appealed.

RESULT. - Reversed. Per Billings, Jackson & Orme concur.

HELD. - Serpente's act of defiance was not an "act of gross lewdness" in violation of UCA 76-9-702.5.JUDITH M. BILLINGS, Judge:Defendant Marie Serpente appeals her conviction of lewdness involving a child, a class A misdemeanor in violation of Utah Code Ann. § 76-9-702.5 (1988).

Ms. Serpente claims the raising of her dress and slight exposure of her covered buttocks does not constitute "exposure" or rise to the level of an "act of gross lewdness" under § 76-9-702.5. We agree, and reverse Ms. Serpente's conviction.FACTSOn April 2, 1986, Ms. Serpente's son was detained after school. Following his detention, he walked home in the dark, fell, and injured his ankle. Two days later, Ms. Serpente went to her son's school to reprimand teachers and school administrators about the incident.During the course of the confrontation, Ms. Serpente went to her son's algebra class. While class was in session, Ms. Serpente verbally assaulted the instructor, accusing him of irresponsible conduct toward her son. Shocked by the incident, the algebra instructor requested Ms. Serpente to leave the classroom. As she was leaving the room, Ms. Serpente suddenly stopped at the door, raised the back of her dress at the teacher, and said, "To you, sir!" Following this demonstration, several other confrontational events occurred, ultimately resulting in the arrest of both Mr. and Ms. Serpente. Ms. Serpente was charged with assaulting a police officer, disorderly conduct, committing unlawful acts in a school, and lewdness involving a child.At Ms. Serpente's trial, four students from the algebra class testified but only one was under the age of fourteen. One of the older students described Ms. Serpente's actions as "flash" or a "moon." He stated that as Ms. Serpente left the classroom, he saw her raise her dress above her buttocks. When asked if he saw her naked bottom, the student replied "just a white garment, that's all I could see." The only witness under age fourteen at the time of the incident also testified that he saw white garments and an outline of her buttocks. When asked if he could see anything through those garments, he replied, "no, just an outline." Similarly, the algebra instructor testified that he saw only her legs and the back of her thighs. The entire encounter lasted only a few seconds, and each witness testified that no naked skin was observed.At trial, Ms. Serpente moved to dismiss the lewdness charge claiming her conduct did not amount to gross lewdness since her acts were not sexually motivated, nor did she expose her genitals or private parts as required by § 76-9-702.5. The trial court denied the motion, and Ms. Serpente was subsequently convicted by a jury of lewdness involving a child. Ms. Serpente was also convicted of assaulting a police officer, disorderly conduct, and committing unlawful acts in a school. Ms. Serpente does not contest these convictions.

I love google.

Frontier Medicine

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that made me laugh. It said, "Silence is Golden - Duct Tape is Silver." Sounds good for a t-shirt.

I've been having a problem with my foot. But it's nothing a little duct tape hasn't remedied. When I started my marathon training, I bought a new pair of Asics shoes. They seemed to work swell, until I started upping my mileage. Right on the top of my left foot, a problem began to develop on my tendon that goes from the top of my big toe, up my foot. It hurts so so bad. I started to ice that spot before a run. Then, I re-laced my shoe so that the first eyelets were empty, for a little pressure-relief. Finally, I began to put a strip of duct tape just over the sore spot. It seems to have helped. I refuse to buy new shoes. I'm cheap like that. So, for the past 10 weeks or so, I've had a roll of duct tape on my night stand. Very handy. I guess I could have gone to the doctor, but I don't like him. I need to get a new doctor, but as of yet, it hasn't happened.

What's In a Name?

I think I may have figured it out.

Mother's Day is named incorrectly. It should be Pretend You Aren't A Mother's Day. I think if we viewed our special day from that angle, Mother's would get more satisfaction.

Why do I need a special day to remind me of every one of the other 364 days of the year? In every other day of the year, I experience all the simultaneous joys/pains of motherhood. I need a day void of all that. But if I had that special day, I would probably want to spend it with my family. Hmmmm. What's a girl to do. It's a vicious cycle.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I slept in. It was heaven. Then, for some reason, I wasn't worried about the messy house and the Sunday morning hoopla. I just let it all go. Neal didn't have any meetings or other wards to visit, so he was home. He offered to make me breakfast. I politely declined. I'm not much for a big breakfast. A piece of toast with peanut butter would be just fine. Besides, there was a 7 pound chocolate cake waiting to be consumed later in the day. I must keep myself mildly wanting, which will make that cake taste much better.

The babe was a jewel in church. We didn't have to get up and take her out of a single meeting. Miraculous, considering her warp-speed crawling and inherent desire to explore.

After church, we had Neal's parents over, and Neal and his Dad made the gals some dinner. Delicious steak, good bread, potato salad, salami and cheese with crackers. . . . wait a second. . . . I just named Neal's favorite foods. Mother's day feast? Maybe I should make him some sort of feminine quiche or asian salad for Father's day. Naw, it's ok. I like a good steak every now and again. And I didn't lift a finger. I didn't even have to micro-manage or make sure all kitchen disasters were avoided. Neal did it on his own. He caught himself JUST BEFORE he seasoned the steak with taco seasoning. It looked just like the seasoning salt. I buy the spices in bulk. He noticed the sharpie statement, "Taco Seasoning" just in the knick of time. He would have felt really bad. But it would have made for a great memory.

Best of all -- during Sacrament meeting, Neal was asked to help bless the sacrament. We lack Priests in our ward. As he blessed the sacrament, I had a happy thought. I thought about the past week. Neal took Kate to an elderly lady that lives on our street to give her cookies because she lost her cat. He's tender like that. He also made sure we started the Stake Scripture reading schedule. He changed more than one poopy diaper before he went to work, because he knew his wife was sickish. He planned a mother's day feast. He worked really hard at his job. And best of all, just to remind me how fun he is, he almost made us late for church because he was playing legos all morning. Long after the girls left the lego pile, he played on. Sitting on the floor, hunched over the legos, looking for the perfect part.

It was nice to be grateful for the reason I'm a mother.

To All the Cars I've Loved Before

I'm often accused of having a vivid, detailed memory of my up-bringing. My 4 sister's and 2 brother's also have the same affliction. In fact, my sister, Angie, is in the process of blogging about some great memories of each of us individually. Totally worth the read. Well, talking about all my old traffic violations has got me thinking about all the cars I've had relations with.

I love cars. Anyone who grew up with me knows that I have an uncanny ability to know the make and model of any and every car from about 1986 to the present. There's just something in my brain that associates with cars. I have this little game I play when I'm bored and I'm driving in the dark, or jogging in the early morning. I can guess the make and model of cars just by their head lights. I'm eerily good at it. I don't know why or how. I just am. Wish I could say the same about more useful talents and skills.

As a kid, I didn't dream about my wedding, or my dream job, or being a mother. I just couldn't wait till I was 16 and could get my license. So, the day I finished drivers ed, my mom picked me up in the noisy diesel suburban, and off we went to get my license. Free at last!



I loved that old suburban. I was the only child my dad trusted with the keys to that thing. Perhaps he shouldn't have. I could load that up with 8 of my friends and whip around the parking garage at Crossroads Mall like I was in the General Lee. We went to many-a-drive-in with that thing. Even sneaked in my little sister's and a few friends.

Simultaneously, just a few miles east, my Neal was enjoying his sweet ride - the 1978 Cadillac Coupe de Ville. That's the car he drove when we began to date. I think there are still marks in the Hunter High parking lot from where he would jump that thing. The Avenues probably still have scars from that thing too. It was fully stocked with 8-tracks from the D.I. Great selections like "Scottish Bagpipe Music" and "Best of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir." You know, titles you find at the D.I. I wish he still had that car. Snoop-Dog has one.

Concurrently with the suburban, I also drove a 1982 Chevy Cavalier for a while. A few weeks BEFORE I got my license, I thought I would be perfectly justified in taking it to Jamie's house to pick her and April up for a church basketball game. What gave me that nerve? I didn't even ask permission. Ballsy! My dad was mad.

I loved that car till the transmission started to go. April's dad bought it for $150 and fixed her up nice. Even fixed the broken driver's seat. No lie, the back just flopped all the way down till it rested on the back seat. I had a big pillow for semi-support. I also had an original Darth Vader action figure hanging from the rear-view mirror. I think I thought I was WAY cooler than I actually was.

Hello 1989 Plymouth Reliant. If you ever need a car with the best driver's visibility - this is your car. I kicked a sweet dent in her with my purple hiking boots. I said a swear word too. The tire blew when I was driving down a canyon road way too fast. April and Nellie were with me. Come to think of it, April is in many of my car memories. . . .



This is what happens when you run a red light on Bangerter Highway going about 60 mph and t-bone a truck. The truck hits another car and totals it, then lands upside down on top of us. I loved that car. She let me, my husband, a 5 year old and 6 month old walk away with only minor injuries.

The 1994 Nissan Altima was our first car. We shopped and thought about it for a while (Neal makes big purchases like he's constipated). Then we got a good deal and paid it off lickety-split. Very good car - until she died. R.I.P. little one.



After we paid off the Altima, we thought we should buy a new car. Bad mistake. Buying a new car on looks alone - and on a whim - is a bad mistake. We paid way too much for this P.O.S. After only a year and a half, we sold it so that Neal could go to school full-time. Haven't had a car payment since. Very nice feeling.

Enter the 'interim' cars. . . . you know, the cars you can pay cash for to tide you over till you can get the ever-elusive Honda Odyssey. Still waiting. . . .Damn that expensive education.



We bought the 1993 Buick Slylark from my dad after we sold the P.O.S. It did it's job for a couple of years till we sold it to move to Oregon.




Another car we bought from my dad!! The Tithing Van! Still have her. We got her to replace the wreckage. I love her so much, even though her heater/ac doesn't work and she smells funny. I wonder how much longer she has till she 'goes the way of all the earth.' I might cry.



Best of all - the gifted car! Neal's parents bought this for us when we graduated from BYU. It's been a good little car for us. I'm hoping she'll take Sarah to early morning seminary once she has her license. I know Sarah's mother won't want to do it.

Ticket to Ride

I got my first wreck/ticket in this bad-boy 1980 Chevy Cavalier. You know, the one with the broken front seat that was perpetually in 'recline' mode? Incidentally, I also learned to drive a stick shift in this thing. February 1992 - I had my license for only one month. Sam needed a ride to Jame's G.'s house to pick up some borrowed Girbaud shorts. As I was backing out of the driveway of James' house, I backed into a Chevy pick-up. My first 'walk-of-shame' up to the door of the victim. Actually, my only walk of shame, since I haven't had any other wrecks since. Wrecks with other cars, that is. I won't mention the time I crashed into my parents house with my father-in-law's fancy truck.

I remember my beating heart well as I said, "Um, I just backed into your truck." Cost - $25 for the ticket. I think I still owe my parents for paying the deductible. Thanks Mom and Dad.



The 1989 Plymouth Reliant, aka "The Silver Bullet." Photo-cop was just up and running in West Valley City. I was cruising along 3200 West, just south of 2100 South. It's easy to go fast on that stretch of road. Suddenly, I saw a flash of light. Curses!! I had been photographed going over the posted speed. Lucky for me, Sherrie C. in our ward worked for the city something or other, and she told me how to get the ticket price reduced by half - from $30 to $15. I felt so "in the know."



The 2001 Nissan Xterra, aka "P.O.S." Crazy morning rushing to the babysitter, mechanic, and then to work. Neal was following me in the Altima as we headed to the fix-it shop to spend $1600 on the transmission for the poor Alti. Too bad we spent all that money on the repairs. Poor Alti was totalled just 9 months later. Anyway, I sped past a cop on 4100 South, just between 5600 West and 4800 West. Ticket. Neal pulled over too, just ahead of me. I could see him laughing. It made me kind of grouchy. Cost - $45.



The car I was driving yesterday as I got by far, my most expensive ticket. Only my car is WAY dirtier. I keep planning on going to the car wash, but it keeps raining. So, I put it off for another day. . .

Cited

To Angie B. - I bet MY ticket cost more than YOUR ticket. Oregon's like that.

It's been one of those days, and it's only 1:33 pm. I have a monster cold, which doesn't happen to me very often. I'm what I like to call "immuno-tastic" when it comes to colds and various other ailments. But, this cold is getting the better of me. So, last night I took some PM cold medicine at about 6:30. By the time Family Night rolled around, I was dead in the water. I think I said a couple of comments like "Moses didn't build the ark. Noah did!" and, "NO, Dad is NOT talking about Abraham Lincoln. He's talking about old-school Abraham. You know, the prophet!?" (Kate needs some primers on the Old Testament). Anyway, I was in bed by 8:45.

The crazy thing about drugs that have sleep aids in them is that they knock me out double. So, today I'm still groggy, both from cold and sleeping aids. Anyway, it was shaping out to be a regular day, minus the cold. As I was clearing up the breakfast casualties, whilst still in a drugged stupor, I noticed a hot dog bun on the kitchen floor. Next to a roll of duct tape. We had chili-dogs last night for dinner (Thank our new big freezer, $1 per pack ball-parks from Safeway, and Neal doing the grocery shopping = many many cans of Nally's chili). How did the kitchen get cleaned from dinner, yet a whole hot dog bun is left under the table? And who was using duct tape? And who drops a whole bun on the floor and doesn't even notice? Or is too lazy to pick it up.

Later this morning, Neal calls from work. He needs me to bring him his suit and tie. Court. Expand-o-matic's and a plaid shirt won't cut it. Well, at least I get to pick out the tie. And, I even remembered his black belt, because he's cool like dat. . . he has a black belt. . . in love.

On my way back from his office, I needed to turn left, and I drove in the middle lane a little too long. Zoomed right past a cop. The citation is for 'improper use of a turn lane.' It's not like I set up a hot dog stand in the turn lane or anything. But apparently my violation is worth $242 to the county of Marion. So, I blame Neal for my ticket. I'll have to do a 'ticket confessional' post sometime.

It Worked

Yes, the Mighty Mendit worked. So, Neal can have his stretchy pants back. You know, the ones with the glued hem. His waist-band can now return to comfort and bliss. Man, this makes me look bad. Or him. Or both of us.