A Camera's Last Offering

It's amazing what can be salvaged from the memory card of a camera after it's spent a few minutes in a few feet of water. As you can tell from the pictures, we went fishing on Saturday. I don't think I need to explain much about what happened to the camera. Even though the camera has "gone the way of all the earth," I couldn't help but laugh as I sat on the dock and heard the camera skidding across and then a big "plop." Sarah had a nibble on the end of her line, and I left the camera just sitting there. I said, "Hey Neal! I think Sarah caught a fish!" Bored Kate came running. That's when she placed the kick that ended the camera's life. I heard it all going down, slow-motion like. I turned around just in time to see an "oh crap!" look on Kate's face. I must have been in a good mood, because I just laughed through my groan (I almost spelled 'groin'). I've been wanting a new camera anyway. Along with about a million other things. Oh well.

It was a great day. We have had some awesome weather in October. It's been so nice. So Saturday, we decided to pack up the fancy poles and head out to Neal's bosses house to fish his stocked pond. Our poles are so fancy, they actually say "shakespeare" on them. Hoity Toity. We had a few nibbles, but no actual fish. As you can tell from the picture of Kate lounging on the dock, she was bored easily. I can't say I blame her. When I was her age, I begged and begged my grandpa to take me fishing with him and my lucky boy-scout brother. When we got there, I thought I was going to die! "You just sit there and watch the bobber? This sucks! Luckily for oreo cookies and orange soda." I think Kate felt the same way. Only I didn't bring oreo cookies. I'm a lamo.

Bored or not, we all had a great time. Sarah and Kate learned that you break a worm in half and thread it on your hook. I think Sarah was a little concerned about killing the worm. Kate learned that worms that are broken in half can still wiggle quite vigorously. We learned that camera's are not water proof, but memory cards are quite water resistant. We also learned that Barbie makes a great fishing rod. How does she do it all? Airline stewardess, veterinarian, trophy wife, rock star, olympic figure skater, Christmas princess, fishing pro. You name it. She must take meth or something.

Treadmill Pregnancy Test part 2

Could you imagine what the gym would be like if treadmill's could determine pregancy? It would be fun to sit and watch people get on the old treadmill, push a few buttons, and freak out! Some would scream in delight, while others would probably swear and start hitting some guy over at the weights. I think more people would use their gym membership if that kind of drama went down.

The Treadmill Pregnancy Test

Kate: Mom, were you just so excited that Jesus put Abby in your tummy? That's what happens, right? Jesus puts babies in mommie's tummies.

Mom: Yeah, sure. That's pretty much how it goes. Finish your vegetables now.

Kate: Mom, I bet you were just so excited when you found out you had a baby in your tummy. You were, like, on your treadmill and the numbers showed you how much you weighed, and they told you that you were pregnant. Were you just like (puts her hands over her mouth and screams) 'Ahhhhhhh!'

Mom: Yep. I was pretty excited. But treadmill's don't tell us we're pregnant.

The Homework Situation

I have a sister from another mister (and another mother for that matter) named Becky. We are 6 days apart and grew up next door to each other. I was just reading her blog, and was very impressed with her daughter's grades. Straight A's!!! In honors classes too. Very nice. Then I smiled to myself, because just this morning, I had another one of those "raising a child with A.D.D." moments.

It went something like this: Sarah is just about to walk out the door to catch the bus.

Mom: Hey Sarah, I haven't seen any homework in a while. Do you have any?

Sarah: Ummmm. . . . well . . . .what? Oh, homework. Well, uh . . . . I think I have some in my bag. Oops. I forgot.

She rummages around in her bag for a while and pulls out a wad of papers (see picture).

Sarah: I'll do it after school today, I promise!

Mom: You better!

If I could somehow convert her homework to Playstation or Wii format. Hmmmmm. Homework-schmomework!

Speaking of life's little A.D.D. moments, it reminds me of when she was in first grade. School had been out for the summer for a few weeks. I finally realized I should go through her school bag and empty it out. When I reached in, I was hit with a double whammy at the exact same moment. The smell and feel of a way rotten banana. "Sarah!" I say, "when did you put a banana in your bag?" "Oh," she said, "Mrs. DuPuy gave it to me a few days before school got out." It was a slimy mess. Very gag-worthy.

And late last school year, I went to Sarah's school for "parent lunch day." I brought Wendy's (I learned that school lunch just gets worse as the years pass on. If I'm going to dine at the school, I'm brown bagging it). Anyway, at her school, they eat lunch in their class-rooms. Retarded, I know. The poor teacher not only has to put up with their stinkiness all day, she has to eat with them too! And listen to them chew with their mouths open. No time for a smoke break! No wonder I never considered Elementary Ed. in college. Well, I'm sitting at Sarah's table and notice her work-space. Whoa! Pencil shavings, empty cereal containers (courtesy of free breakfast at your friendly neighborhood title-one school), a water bottle with water and glue and who knows what else floating around, a pile of bitten-off pencil erasers, and a broken pink-pearl eraser with the word "Hobit" written on it. Oh, there was more. Tons more. Most of it was garbage. I made her clean it up. It was exasperatingly funny. On her report card, her lowest mark is "keeps her work-space clean and neat."

There's just a smattering. As crazy as it gets though, I must say, Sarah is awesome! She's extremely good. Just plain good. She's nice to people, likes justice, loves animals, loves to make me happy, is fiercely loyal to her family, adores her Dad, is picking up the flute like a champ, etc. etc. etc. I could go on and on. But I won't.

Is Harmony Good or Bad?

I don't like the way that pumpkin is looking at my kids.



This is the face I pull when my mom bonks my head while sticking it through a hole in a piece of wood just for this stupid picture.

This is my face when my mom uses her "operation" skills and doesn't bonk my head. It takes a very steady hand!




Neal's Mini-Me




"Mother? Is this what heaven feels like?"

It was Kate's turn to say family prayer a few nights ago. She does a pretty good job of thinking about what she's saying. We compliment her on her nice prayer, and she tries harder next time (funny how compliments work. Wish I remembered that more often). Well, she likes to use new words. She must have heard the word, "harmony," and decided to use it in a prayer. So, as she prayed, she said, "please help us to have love and harmony in our . . . .(whisper) Mom! Is harmony good or bad?" It's good to clear things up sometimes.

This past Saturday, we went to EZ Orchards. The weather was awesome!! In Oregon, there are a few days in the fall when the weather seems to say, "You know, I think I'll give you a beautiful day today. Why? Because winter is coming, and I'm going to be gray, rainy, cold and miserable. And guess what? So will you. You will be begging for your sunshine and anti-depressants. So enjoy it while you can, because you won't see the sun again until after June 15th." Saturday was just such a day.

Free Parking!

Is it gambling if you spend x amount of dollars at McDonalds in hope of winning Monopoly? It's bad enough that I feed my bad diet coke habit, but is it double bad when I stop at the McDonald's drive through for an extra large? They have TWO monopoly pieces on those ginormous cups. Last year, I won a free egg McMuffin, some Big Macs, fruit and yogurt parfait (those are good), and a couple of drinks. I fed myself, Neal, and my Dad from Monopoly tokens at a McDonalds in D.C. last October. But, I can't help but compare playing monopoly to playing the nickels at the casino. Although you don't get McChicken sandwiches for playing the nickel slots. You just leave a few hours later with less money and the smell of an ash tray.

Speaking of Monopoly at McDonalds, when I was a freshman at BYU, I worked on the grounds crew. I mowed lawns with a kid who won a Dodge Viper from McDonalds monopoly. No lie! He sold it to pay for his mission. Dedication!

Tonight is a tri-ward youth etiquette that our ward is in charge of. It should be pretty fun. It's just really funny to think of me teaching good manners. I decided to put together a little instructional video to teach good table manners. It's amazing what youtube can do! There are some pretty great instructional films from the 1950's. People could get lost in youtube!

One more thing. My Tranny look in the previous post was created by mascara. No, those ARE NOT my real eye-brows. Maybe she's born with it! Maybe it's Maybelline. It's no wonder that Sarah used to call mascara "ma-scare-ya." She called it that for the longest time! She also called nipples, "nibbles." I love that girl.

Happy 12th Anniversary!!!

So, it's my anniversary today (and Bill and Hillary's too). We had a great time. Got away for the night, laughed and laughed at some of the fun times we've had over the years. I gave Neal a bag full of things associated with the number 12. In true "Natalie" fashion, the notes were written on the back of Neal's business cards. I care enough to send the very best. You know, just a great anniversary time all around. I must say, I picked a good one to marry. We're best friends and love to just talk and hang out. He's the only person, besides my dad, who will talk "nerd" with me. It's great!

So, apparently I picked a good eternal companion. But, what was Neal thinking when he picked me? This picture recently came to my attention, and I am left wondering. What could possibly be attractive about a woman who is 7 months pregnant, and dressed up like a one-armed vietnam veteran with a bad habit hanging out of her mouth? Sitting next to me is my sister, Laurel, dressed as Bambi the hooker. It's amazing we've lasted long enough to celebrate 12 years.

The other picture is of Sarah and her cousins, Bryant and Spencer. It's a family favorite. Sarah earned the name "evil spice" after this photo came into existence. What's better than a 2 year old throwing a tantrum with powdered jelly donut all over her face? I showed the pic to Kate, and she said, with a perplexed look on her face, "who's that?" She was almost afraid to laugh. I think the jelly looks a bit like blood.

Leg Shaving 101

So, as many of you know, Sarah is growing rapidly. A while back, I noticed her legs. They were getting kind of "man-hairy." So, I decided it was time to introduce her to her new life-long shower activity: leg shaving (not the armpits yet, thank goodness).

I gave her a pretty good tutorial, but no demonstration. I figured she didn't need a visual. Kate already tutored us in "naked mom" with my cell phone camera, remember? Anyway, I gave her a can of shaving gel and a new razor and told her what to do. I also schooled her in "razors are sharp" theory. I made sure she knew that they cut skin, and that she WILL cut herself. She freaked out a little, but I assured her she would be fine. I make sure she knew where the sticking points were - on the knee, behind the knee, and the achilles.

Things have been going well. She enjoys her smooth legs, and feels pretty neat that she has her own can of shaving gel. In fact, she saw a commercial for women's razors, and told me she wants pink ones. I told her not to hold her breath. They cut just the same.

Well, the other night, I heard Sarah calling for me from the shower. I was ironing, so I was kind of putting her off. Finally, Kate came in my room in a panic. "MOM! SARAH NEEDS YOU! IT'S AN EMERGENCY! THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!" Well, I guess that means I'd better respond. Sure enough, she had cut herself behind her knee. She was pretty upset because it kept bleeding. "Mom. I think I need stitches! It's so bad! Why aren't you upset? Why are you trying not to laugh?" Once she calmed down, she realized that it wasn't serious enough for a doctor. A princess band-aid did just fine. Her choice of that band-aid was a good reminder to me that she's still 10, not 16. I need that once in a while.

Watch out for flying parts

You know the feeling when you do something bad, and you hurry and try to fix it before anyone notices? It's so funny when that happens to a kid, and I get to see it all go down. The "Oh Crap!" look on their face is especially priceless. Kate was spinning Abby's mobile a little too vigorously, and it flew off it's spinner. It fell on top of the baby, and Kate looked like she was going to poop her pants with fright. I could tell that Kate thought she had done something SERIOUS. Breaking the baby's toy, hurting her, getting in trouble. Abby didn't cry, much less flinch, so I wasn't too worried. And, the mobile wasn't broken either, so no harm done. But to see Kate scramble and try to fix it before I saw what happened was just so funny! Then, to see the relief when she realized she wasn't in trouble, the baby wasn't hurt, and the mobile wasn't broken. Priceless.

It reminded me of things I did in my childhood that made ME do the "oh crap!" look. Like the time my friend, David H., had to go in for dinner. I waited for him outside in his front yard. They had just planted a new tree. It was small, and kind of bendy. I was pushing on it, thinking, "this is springy!" Keep in mind that the kitchen window looked out into the front yard, right where I was waiting. I started leaning on the tree, and it was really fun, because it was springing me back and forth. So, I started puting more and more of my weight against the tree, and it would spring right back! Facinating! . . . .until the whole tree snapped in half. Once I realized that the tree was truely broken, I hurried and went home, acting as if nothing happened. When David's mom called me on it, I denied it. Even when she told me she saw it happen. I was such a little liar.